heart balm and kindred spirits

It has been good to spend time with friends lately. I have felt sort of alone especially with all these changes and transitions. I feel like I'm moving away from my family in that natural process of growing up. Like a moon that has spun around its planet for years and years and drifts farther and farther away from the pull of that center and soon breaks out of its orbit and drifts away into the galaxy. Suddenly I'm a family of 1, pretty depressing when it comes to cooking or filling out federal paperwork and seeing "1" next to household size.

Life post-college is daunting. Support systems grow thin as friends move away and move on. Responsibility knocks more than opportunity. Plans become real and have actual bearing on life. Decisions are crucial.

I talked to my friend Dana about all this and that conversation affirmed me in so many ways and let me know that I'm not alone in feeling this way. I really appreciate her every time we talk, which usually only happens every other month unfortunately.


I admit it, I'm anxious, terrified even, about all these changes and transitions.

Last week I went to a water park with the camp I'm working at and I accidently spun my tube so I entered a black enclosed tube slide backwards. I was sloshing around really fast down that thing with absolutely no vision and no ability to sense what was coming next. I was scared, and not in the fun way, I was shaking and panicking.

I feel like life is like that sometimes. We're hurling through this thing with no idea what's next and we're terrified because it's all so unpredictable and scary.

I'm starting class at Chapman in about 2 weeks now. I don't know what that will look like.


I'm constantly reminded of my futility in trying to solve the world's problems, let alone mine. So it comes to this... I'm going to have to trust God, and not just lightly trust, but strive to be dependent on Him and His provision and justice for those I wish I could help. I need to be full of hope, not anxiety.