p.s.

some things to think/pray about...

time?? will I have any?
moving?? maybe??
ministry?? do I have time?

have i told you lately...

how incredibly excited I am for school?? Tonight I was really getting into my literacy and learning class and it dawned on me that I really am passionate about learning.

This is what it feels like to see again, to think, to explore, to wonder, to care....

Here I am at this school where I only dreamed I would be blessed enough to attend and I'm watching the sun linger behind palm trees by the law building during a class break. This school is so beautiful and the education program is one of the best. Every time I drive up to campus the sensation of wonder and thankfulness rushes back.

Enough with gushing.... Classes are really great so far. I'm especially excited for my Voice, Diversity, Equity, and Social Justice class because I feel like I'm on home territory with my sociology background where I'm struggling to understand the language that the liberal studies b/a's are fluent in. Tonight I definitely read an article called "The Importance of the Act of Reading" like a sociology student picking up on the author's discussion of the social and political impacts of literacy while my l.s. classmates paid more attention to the author's critiques of mechanical teaching strategies. Well, I found a fellow soc. grad. from Biola who I can talk about all that stuff with and maybe together we can translate all the ed. jargon.

Life is so good.

overdue revelation

............................then and now...........................

God is so good.... He has always been good. I'm just acknowledging it now, when I took his goodness for granted in the past.

So often I pray for things and I worry about those things. Then I get so caught up in anxiety that I miss it when God faithfully answers my prayers in a way that's better than I could have imagined.

Today starts my first class at Chapman. I wanted to attend their program so badly that I thought that I would never be accepted. Why do we expect God to withhold those things we desire? He is not only faithful, but faithfully good. And shock, he wants to give us good things (provided that all is in line with his will).

Examples of faithfulness (spring 2005-now):

-didn't get the RA position........God kept me free to pursue my academics and relationships while sparing me from an especially heinous year for residence life
-struggled to find a summer job and asked God for a job relevant to my passion........became a nanny for Jade who has down syndrome
-applied to work in the school district and fearfully made several trips down the 5 to complete the app. process.......was hired in the best position I could have asked for starting out at a good school with an adorable girl who already knew and loved
-last semester of school and I was having trouble finding a place to live.......God gave me a home that was everything I could have wanted when I was about to give up
-I started the Chapman application process with many doubts about my potential.......after lots of worry and stress I got "the" call and here I am
-continuing concerns about school.......calm after meeting with my advisor who is a kindred spirit when it comes to social justice and passion for special education
-etc.

As I look at my planning document for my coursework and see what my life will vaguely look like until I finish in 2009 or 2010, I have a sense of trepidation that is overcome by the confidence that God's faithfulness will continue in whatever the next 2-3 years have to offer.

dig this

I've been voraciously reading Jack Kerouac's "On the Road" since Saturday morning. I opened it in Kean and stayed there for four hours reading, crossing the line into social peculiarity. It didn't help me when I read about the Minnesota brothers and Slim's unfortunate release of fluids and started laughing out loud.

If you've read it, you know what I mean. If not, go to the library.

This seems like the analogy we find ourselves in as we embark on "adult life" following certain ideas and dreams that either meet success or dead-ends. Yes, there is some "who we are", but more than that there's "where we're going".

I realize I sound like an obscure book reviewer. Sorry about that.

Either way it's just a great story, but this excerpt gave me chills....

"When daybreak came we were zooming through New Jersey with the great cloud of Metropolitan New York rising before us in the snowy distance. Dean had a sweater wrapped around his ears to keep warm. He said we were a band of Arabs coming to blow up New York." (p. 117)

Yeah creepy.

Good photography blog/why moving to the country is so appealing

the pioneer woman

Louis Vuitton <3 Elphaba

I ran across these pictures and made an observation...

















I think "Wicked" wasn't just a big hit for theater aficionados, it was really big with fashion designers.

some guy's blog

So Jesse and Cassie, my former lifegroup leaders and friends, moved to Colorado and I'm sad. But I take some solace in Jesse's hilarious blog. Hopefully you aren't easily offended...

Foux de fa fa....

Pour Carrie et toutes les belles filles avec les gros seins. (Je blague, ne t'inquiète pas!)



Je ne comprends pas.
Parlez-vous le français?
euh...
Parlez-vous le français?
euh... non.

get excited

for this movie. It's called "Rachel Is", and it's a documentary about the filmmaker's sister who is mentally retarded.

Will I be seeing this?
Why do you ask silly questions?

heart balm and kindred spirits

It has been good to spend time with friends lately. I have felt sort of alone especially with all these changes and transitions. I feel like I'm moving away from my family in that natural process of growing up. Like a moon that has spun around its planet for years and years and drifts farther and farther away from the pull of that center and soon breaks out of its orbit and drifts away into the galaxy. Suddenly I'm a family of 1, pretty depressing when it comes to cooking or filling out federal paperwork and seeing "1" next to household size.

Life post-college is daunting. Support systems grow thin as friends move away and move on. Responsibility knocks more than opportunity. Plans become real and have actual bearing on life. Decisions are crucial.

I talked to my friend Dana about all this and that conversation affirmed me in so many ways and let me know that I'm not alone in feeling this way. I really appreciate her every time we talk, which usually only happens every other month unfortunately.


I admit it, I'm anxious, terrified even, about all these changes and transitions.

Last week I went to a water park with the camp I'm working at and I accidently spun my tube so I entered a black enclosed tube slide backwards. I was sloshing around really fast down that thing with absolutely no vision and no ability to sense what was coming next. I was scared, and not in the fun way, I was shaking and panicking.

I feel like life is like that sometimes. We're hurling through this thing with no idea what's next and we're terrified because it's all so unpredictable and scary.

I'm starting class at Chapman in about 2 weeks now. I don't know what that will look like.


I'm constantly reminded of my futility in trying to solve the world's problems, let alone mine. So it comes to this... I'm going to have to trust God, and not just lightly trust, but strive to be dependent on Him and His provision and justice for those I wish I could help. I need to be full of hope, not anxiety.

a little more off the top...

Here's the thing...

If I found a guy who was more like Tim (the guy who cuts my hair), maybe I'd actually go on dates. I sit in that chair and we have the greatest conversations--effortless. And the best part, besides getting a great haircut, is not feeling like "one of the guys" but like myself, a girl... the compliments aren't bad either. However, as good-looking as he is and as much as I like his tattoos... he has a girlfriend and doesn't think too much about Jesus.

for something completely different...

and the winner of most ridiculous (in a good way) indie band goes to.....


Architecture in Helsinki!



creepy, weird, or great--you decide.

look at that cloud! oh wait that's just smog

I've driven up and down the 5 several times the past few years*, but I think this was the most heinous drive yet. Let's see a list...

-traffic
-one nasty stop during the drive
-car started shaking on my way up the grapevine
-my check engine light came on
-suddenly I realized I had left my house key in northern Ca
-more traffic, it's Ca
-pulled over by chp
-my roommate's brother had to come over to let me into the house
-he had the wrong key and thus broke in through a window to let me in

At least I got here in time to enjoy some Arrested Development.


*Note: I do actually really like long drives though.

oh Franklin....

perceptions for true or false

1st person; introspection, resolution, or something like that...

I waste too much time caring about what people think.

When I talked to Swedish and Slovenian friends while I was in Europe I got so frustrated when they would tell me about their perceptions of Americans. What did they say? Well a few examples:

-Americans are selfish
-Americans say they love everything and always say things are lovely... thus Americans are perceived to be flippant and when they use the word "love" it's meaningless since they use the same word to say they love food or a friend.
-Americans are fake
-Americans dress bad (especially guys with their loose, baggy clothes noted by Joachim)
-American education is inferior to European education; except for University level education, which surpasses Europe's system
-Americans are unintelligent... a joke that one of our friends told us: "I'm not saying that all Americans are stupid... but if we took all the warning labels off everything, the problem would solve itself"

Ok, so maybe I agree with pretty much all of those ideas (which is why when people ask me where I'm from I say California not America). But I was frustrated because I don't want to be associated with any of those perceptions.

Then I realized that I don't exemplify those things so why should I worry about them? Caring to a certain degree is healthy and normal, we call people that don't care at all about what other people think "sociopaths". Social awareness and self-consciousness makes sociology work. However, I think it's fair to say that many of us go to the extreme of caring too much.

For example, I find it almost impossible to go clothes shopping without someone else (preferably my brutally honest sister). However, the other day I put on a pair of jeans that she didn't like that much, but I got them anyway because I liked them. It felt good.

So I've decided I want to change that. I guess I want to care less.... about trivial things at least.


3rd person; observations or hasty generalizations, you choose...

-I don't care what my last name is, I prefer to identify myself with my other nationalities rather than English. Between England and Ireland, I choose the latter even if they can be a wee bit mental... I mean that in a good way.
-In my experience I've found the English to be prideful and xenophobic, but usually easy to have a pleasant conversation with.
-Tourists are frustrating, no matter what ethnicity.
-The general French population is not as refined as they would have us believe... I saw far more men than I would have liked urinating in public during the Bastille Day festivities.
-The two ethnicities that seem to be made fun of the most in Europe are Germans and the French.
-(2nd hand observation) Norway is very expensive. A friend of mine found the following surprising exchange rates... Coffee and a pastry: 10.50 USD. Value meal at Mcdonalds: 14.00 USD. Personal size pizza: 17.50 USD. Norway beanie in a tourist store: 55.00 USD. Laplander slippers with bells dangling from the toes: 85.00 USD
-Stockholm, indie music... yes.
-Guys look really good in skinny jeans, but not capris!
-Swedes have the best fashion sense.
-Swedish people are easy to get along with and relate to... our cultures are very similar in many ways.
-One svenska-engelska difference is that of belief. In general, Americans have some sort of belief in God while, in general, Swedes are atheistic. Our friends were quite surprised to find we believe in God and when asked if they did they answered, "No, we're Swedish". Strange... even stranger was that one of the guys thought I was out of my mind when, during their joke about Jesus being Swedish just like everything else, I commented about his being Jewish. He wanted to know where on earth I had heard that and thought it was ridiculous.
-As far as Christianity is concerned, Europe is a dark place where atheism is probably more prominent then on any other continent. In the Czech Republic a person who becomes a Christian will be disowned by his or her family.
-Humility, consideration, and a smile will take you far.
-People are friendly when you give them a chance.
-Europeans are extremely hospitable, for the most part.
-Europeans criticize Americans for their racism, even if nearly all Europeans are extremely nationalistic and have various ethnic prejudices mainly based on past conflicts or cultural differences. They will swear up and down that they are not racist and justify their prejudices.
-As much as Europeans complain about Americans, especially pres. Bush, they will always love American music.
-They love to buy cowboy hats as American souvenirs.
-Two things about Americans that secretly scare Europeans: the way Americans sue others like it's going out of style and gangs that are believed to infest most of the country.
-Europeans have a lot of pride for their respective countries.

People are funny. I may not understand them or disagree with them but for the most part differences make everything a little more interesting.