today...

Did you ever run away as a kid?

I remember one time when I was probably 10 and I got mad about something and told my parents I was running away. Believing, in my 10 yr old logic, they'd feel guilty and beg me not to run away, but, no, they're smart and they're the kind of parents who helped me pack a bag with food and stuff... That really annoyed me. So I took Ashton and JP and we "ran away" to the strip of grass on the other side of the street... roughly 50 ft from our house. It took less than an hour and maybe less than 30 minutes for us to go back because graham crackers are only so satisfying at dinner time.

Anyway today. I talked to my insurance agent before breakfast... yeah I had a car accident on Sunday... and as I was eating my oatmeal and drinking my tea I found myself on the verge of tears feeling completely overwhelmed. This much emotion, this early in the day? When I was young I wanted to run away from home, now I felt like running away TO home. I thought maybe I had made a mistake in staying down here and that maybe returning to Granite Bay indefinitely wouldn't be so bad. But it was as I was driving to work that I had the merciful revelation that maybe, just maybe, some of this emotion and especially the intensity of emotion wasn't rightly felt and could be attributed to a beautiful thing called PMS.

And even better than that, this day ended up being great! Kids have a way of making you more carefree. The school day went well and I was filled with such peace and confidence that things will work out. My prayers grow more simple as days grow more complex and difficult... "God be with me today" and as is his nature, he was.

Random day's events:

-The kindergarten teacher that totally intimidates me and I feel like hates me, Mr. Christman, actually said more than just a solemn "hey" when I left! Progress.
-My "brother" is staying in Costa Mesa instead of going home for spring break so we will hang out.
-The oatmeal raisin and cranberry cookies I made yesterday were much appreciated by my co-workers who received them. Apparently I bake well.
-I laughed at my after school kids who were turned into germaphobes by the nurse's lesson on hand washing.
-A highlight of the day was swinging on the swings with 3 of the kids from my class. I forgot how much I love doing that!
-I played soccer with the kids and found that somehow my skills after not playing for years have actually improved... or maybe I was just playing with 9 yr olds...
-Jack Johnson and John Mayer sang me home.
-My roommates were not woken up by a small social gathering I had in the backyard with 8 people until nearly 1am. I felt like I had a worried look on my face the whole time because I was so paranoid that we'd be waking them up and they'd hate me in the morning.
-I made a crazy dinner that was reeeeaaaalllly good, but caused frustration. It was quinoa with black beans, sweet potato, chili flakes, lime juice, and cilantro. The black beans called for in the recipe sent me to the store only to come back home to not find the can opener. After 30 minutes of searching I resorted to using the tail end of a hammer on the lid.... Bean juice sprayed all over the wall. I was on the phone with my brother (the stud who was asked to the sadie hawkens dance today!!) at the time and we thought it was hilarious.
-It's Friday.

This really has been a strange week. With major highs and lows from very good to very bad... from a car accident, insurance frustrations to hanging out with quality people, seeing Wicked, and cooking triumphs. Since Sunday I haven't slept very well and I haven't been eating much. I felt like my body was shutting down last night when I was shivering in bed until I piled blankets on top of me.

So that's a really long blog to say where I'm at right now. I have something I shouldn't worry about anymore and I'm still worrying and something that should cause me anxiety but I have the assurance that what will be will be. Really confusing and lots of thoughts and random things. But either way, God is at my elbow and I'm his baby even though I have the significance of a grain of sand.