sex, csa, and peace

I'm stretching in the glow of the lamplight and smiling at the sound of Nickel Creek flowing from my computer. It's a good night. I went to Biola's library and got a strong start on my human sexuality paper. The research is very interesting. I read about sexual neuroses and fears and am looking forward to where the research takes me as I learn about what healthy development into a sexually mature person looks like. And since I am enjoying writing this paper so much, here's a sample either read it or skip over it...

|____"A person’s sexuality is an integral part of their being. Just like the emotions, mind, body, and spirit of a person play a role in forming his or her identity, so does sexuality. The fulfillment of sexuality is typically any type of sexual behavior and the ultimate culmination of sexuality is considered to be intercourse. The human body prepares itself for sexual behavior through the process of puberty. At the age of approximately 12-14 years old for females and approximately 13-15 years old for males, the human body is ready to perform sexually. However, many teenagers, and even adults for that matter, experience depression, confusion, and other negative emotions after having sex.
|____Even though the physical body has gone through the necessary development to perform sexually there has been insufficient personal emotional and social development. In order to have “good sex” one must go through necessary development to develop emotional and social maturity without healthy development one runs the risk of developing sexual pathologies such as: “hypophilia (also referred to as sexual dysfunction), hyperphilia (erotomania), and paraphilia (legally known as perversion)” .
|____Developing a sexual pathology is an extreme manifestation of insufficient sexual maturity. Less extreme symptoms of this lack of maturity include neurotic behavior experienced by the individual after completing the act of intercourse, such as: depression, dissastisfaction, disgust, guilt, resentment, fury, complaints, sullen silence, detachment, sleeplessness, bitterness, pessimism, or a desire to masturbate .
|____In order to establish whether one has reached developmental maturity one must consider what a healthy male and female feel like or act like after having intercourse. A “sexually mature man, on completing the sexual act, has an agreeable feeling of languor, and even of joyful optimism, feels tenderness for the woman, and later has the wish to sleep” and on the day after he “is filled with mental and physical freshness and vigor” . Similarly a sexually mature woman experiences a “release of tension, combined with a tender feeling of approval towards the man, contentment and gratitude, and finally the urge to sleep” and on the day after she has “an optimistic attitude with increased ability to work” . Reaching this point of sexual maturity requires a lengthy process of growth through working through fears and neuroses, confronting the false self, and developing a level of comfort and confidence with the opposite sex, especially a prospective intimate partner.
|____The imposter or the false self is a mask that immature people put on in order to keep fear hidden. Imposters have a desperate hunger that can be intuited by those around them and the result can be unhealthy attachments to other imposters and the deflection of mature and suitable partners.
|____There are many instances of people creating a sexual imposter in order to camouflage inner fears. One specific imposter is identified as the “wolf” or “she-wolf” this person holds inner fears of impotency or frigidity (respectively) and responds to those fears with hiding mechanisms and acting out with promiscuity . The result of overcompensating for fears and neuroses is often dissatisfaction and a vain search for someone to fulfill one’s personal fantasies, which are usually unrealistic if not impossible to satisfy."

Oh sex...

My presentation at the CSA conference on Friday went so well! I'm very relieved. I was 1 of 6 presenters, 4 of which were grad students. People thought I was a grad student, I was very flattered. And it heightened my anticipation of grad school. I love academic engagement! Yes, I am a nerd.

Currently I am peaceful and happy. I am expectant for the future and not anxious for the time being. Yes, I need to find a place to live post-graduation, but God has me in his very capable hands. If he gives shelters to the sparrows, why wouldn't he give the same to me? Yes, boys and relationships are confusing, but there is timing and as I wait I learn to love better and I am learning what I want and need as well as what I don't want. In the meantime I am being refined. And I'm surrounded by beauty especially beautiful friends like this one:



I <3 Carrie Dievendorf.