I can't tell if my first day back to my routine was a good day or a bad day.

+1 Smooth morning
-1 Lack of oatmeal, had to substitute p.b. and j. for breakfast
-1 Reeaaallllly tired
+1 Pleasant welcome backs from co-workers and kids
+1 Went to p.t. with Emma; she'll be getting out of the chair in the classroom and using a walker.
-1 I felt like I was dressed like a boy
-1 Didn't get a break during work
-1 Found most of my food in the fridge had gone bad over the past week
+1 Good afternoon at project success
+1 Enthusiastic kids welcomed me back
+1 Found lots of good things at Henry's for making fun trail mixes and random recipes
-1 The spinach I planned on using to make a salad for my lifegroup potluck was among the food that went bad
-1 Found vague note on the roommate whiteboard that either means I'm in trouble or I just have to be updated on something
+1 Lifegroup meeting!!!
+1 Good food at meeting
-1 Good food was unhealthy
+1 Really cool people in my group
+1 Found a girl to practice French with in my group
+1 I'm not at all interested in any of the guys, thus will be more comfortable
-1 Embarrassed myself at least three times today
+1 24 is a good show
+1 The note on the whiteboard didn't mean I was in trouble
-1 The note was referring to the fact that my other roommate is moving out
-1 Missing phone calls from people I wanted to talk to because my phone was on silent. Cell phone technology... mystifying! or not so much

The tally as far as it stands at 10pm tonight:
0+12-11.... leaves a net score of +1

Not bad, especially considering I plan on going to my room to read and sleep. Two favorite pastimes.

Science trivia: redwoods make fog

Another blog from an airport.

I'm sitting in Sac Internat'l waiting to go back to CM. Here I am with my lopsided nearly 10 yr-old backpack covered in worn patches with a rolled up map (actually a sheet of wrapping paper with a old map of Paris monuments) sticking out the top. My hair is a mess of curls (messier and curlier than usual and probably a bit matted after driving a lot and sleeping on couches) and I'm wearing my green jacket that makes me look like a rainforest explorer or an air force bomber.... I look like some crazy environmentalist or explorer or something. And as if I needed to add to my... image??.... I just asked the starbucks barista if their blueberry scones were organic. Wow..... (Though I confess that my main motive for asking such a ridiculous question was only my desire to distract him from the fact that I was only ordering a venti cup of water.) A long story about nothing.

I want to move to Santa Cruz one day... Reasons/thoughts:


-Cafe Brasil (mmm acai bowls that are worth an hour wait)
-downtown SC
-proximity to fam., san fran, and wine country
-lots of independent coffee shops (Lulu's, toot's, the attic, coffee cat where I had the best soy capp. since i don't know when... etc.)
-I like the people there, especially Mt. Hermon people like Dana and her amigos
-the banana slug
-beauty of the central CA coast
-ancient forests
-mysterious fog made in part by the reds (thanks naturalist friend!)
-the beach
-environment/socially conscious people are neat
-moss
-Christians are needed there since they seem to be in short supply

So I had a really great weekend. And a very refreshing week. The ugly, smoggy landscape of southern CA can wear on you, but I don't see myself leaving anytime soon.

p.s. Rob Bell, czech him out.... http://nooma.com/

Midnight philosophical ramblings

And once again... I'm up late. Tonight I'm laying next to our fireplace. One of the ones that you use a switch to turn on. Lazy, yes, but lovely. I was thinking about life and how much I value my relationships, which I've been appreciating more and more lately, and I had to write them to share with all of you. Take them for what they're worth. And now a tablespoon or perhaps a liter of Jenny wisdom, depending on what you take from this. (Wow, long intro...)

First observation (O1): Love makes us feel good.

Response: Why does it make us feel good? When we receive love what is happening? It has to be more than a warm fuzzy meaningless reason.

O2: The foundation of love is acceptance.

Response: Everyone has insecurities. EVERYONE. (Except Jesus, for you smart alecks) One of the main insecurities and fears of people is the fear of rejection. This is why public speaking is the #1 American fear, why girls travel in packs, why peer pressure is so effective, why people date and marry people who are less than they deserve.... you get the picture. Big problem, for many of us this is probably the central insecurity we hold. Someone must accept us before they love us. The act of acceptance becomes the door for love--to accept someone you open the door to the possibility of a relationship. ....(like "accepting" Christ)

O3: Acceptance gives us permission to lower our walls.

Response: Acceptance gives someone a nod of approval that allows them to exhale and start to lower walls of defense and insecurity. When someone accepts us we feel better about ourselves because it affirms that yes, we're ok. It's the first step to growing and becoming who we are because it provides us safety and room to do that in. My thesaurus lists these synonyms for accept: welcome, greet, receive, receive favorably, embrace, adopt.

O4: Some loves are more than acceptance.

Response:
a) So love in its common forms of friendship (philia) and affection (storge) seem to be comfortable I-accept-you-as-you-are-and-care-about-you kinds of loves. That doesn't mean that those loves are not deep because they certainly can be, but they are different from eros and charity (agape) love.

b) Eros love involves acceptance, of course, but more than that there is excitement! The excitement comes from sexuality yes, but also there's a reciprocal excitement about the other person. Because more than just accepting the other person, one is ecstatic about who that other person is! Rather than a comfortable hug, eros is a passionate embrace.

c) Finally agape, (C.S. Lewis called this the greatest love and I agree) it is sort of like eros love except for this love has a one-sided excitement. The lover loves with enthusiasm, passion, and even fury, but the loved often does not have any qualities for which would make it loveable or worthy of love; nevertheless, the lover loves the loved without any self-interest or ulterior motive. This love is mysterious and, I believe, can only be developed in us as a gift from the Holy Spirit. Because this is a unique love that can only be truly understood when we meet the One who has loved us ardently since the beginning.

Conclusion: We are unlovely people, but God loves us* in our unloveliness and massive insecurities and that love makes us lovely. More than the acceptance of other people that takes away some of the reality** of our insecurities and the love of others that makes us feel safe and valuable, there is this greater Love that overshadows them all. This Love wants to take those insecurities forever and fill us instead with himself until we overflow with joy, beauty, confidence, peace, and freedom.

In a nutshell, let me quote DCTalk, "We all wanna be loved. Tell me what's wrong with that? Ooo somebody tell me"

See..........ROMANS 15:7





*There seems to be sort of a difference between love and acceptance for God because he has always loved his people, but until Jesus' sacrifice we were not always "acceptable" to him (http://www.biblegateway.com/keyword/?search=accept&version1=31&searchtype=all&limit=none&wholewordsonly=no).
**I use the word reality because the insecurities still remain in human relationships, but often acceptance and love decrease the perceived reality of them.