my heart is at home

Find me here...








I was so tired. I needed this.

No need to perform, but to be just a daughter, not an employee, student, or anything else. This weekend has refreshed my spirit more than I can describe. I don't understand how people can be so far from family. They build me up and bring me new life.

What a weekend it has been! Fall is beautiful here. Starting with driving through Sacramento's backroads and countryside on a "shortcut" from the airport with my mom. Crisp night watching the homecoming game at my old high school. An amazing drive to Placerville to visit Apple Hill with J.P. Fall leaves made trees look like they were on fire. We drove through the country past farms and finally arrived at High Hill Ranch to eat apple pie, drink cider, and buy apples to take back down the hill. A beautiful day with a beautiful person.

This evening was absolutely perfect. My parents and I got some delicious food for dinner. In the dusk dad grilled chicken kabobs, mom and I prepared asparagus, salads, and sautéed grape tomatoes. We took wine and candles and ate in the backyard. What a beautiful night. We talked and laughed together reclining under the cabana with our glasses. Then inside to watch Sabrina and bake the apple pie I brought home from Apple Hill. Delicious, warm, calm, comforting, loving.

I can breathe easier here. I have missed it. And while I've been away, life has gone by. I feel older--seeing boys I used to babysit tower over me and talk to me in deep voices as men. Going back to a hectic and, in some ways, lonely life down south with no one to hold me and take care of me will be hard tomorrow. But for now my room is warm, the light is soft, and my head is leaning toward the pillow. This moment is good.