p.s. I love you

That's for Carrie....

anyway I am such a nerd. I had an especially nerdly moment when I was walking back to class from a break and I peered into another class in session where I saw the entire class turned around to listen to their professor who had seated himself on the back table amongst them. As I walked I smiled and thought, "O, these sacred halls of learning..."

The funny thing is that I really do think of school with that reverence often.... yeah I know. I carry a lunch box now. I definitely know what you're thinking.

hallmark rejects...

Friendship is...

having it be okay to be boring on a Saturday night, or

having a friend tell you not to risk your virginity and heart...

Friendship. The one ship you can't sink.

hahaha 

I love truth-tellers. They're priceless friends. 

the embarrassing blog

Now for something pointlessly amusing, at least to me. Don't ask questions, just enjoy. Embarrassing photos I found...

here i am

"live freely  in light of who you already are."

Art is an important part of who I am, though it remains hidden. In my room and the garage at home there are samples of creations from high school and college. I came across the piece below and remembered how much I enjoyed making it. There's one that I'm especially proud of (not pictured here)

Today I was at work and I spent my lunch break finishing a pencil drawing of a monarch butterfly that I was drawing from some children's book. I miss that. Art was the one extracurricular activity that I really excelled at when I was young and never quit. (Unlike softball, clarinet, gymnastics, crew.... )

I miss art and acting. Two pieces of who I am that are nearly forgotten. But Valentine's day is coming and it's one more opportunity to create and express beauty.

family time

It's a great feeling to be in a home with a family. Tonight I was at my so-cal family's house for about 6 hours. Looking at Alec's transformers, styling Emma's hair, drinking tea, and getting gourmet cooking lessons. Their Dad is an amazing chef! I had my own private "cooking with John" lesson. He made tapenade, tzatziki sauce, feta with spices, kale, asparagus, and avocado, which he served with sprouts and sprouted grain tortillas. Not your average Taco Tuesday, it was amazing! I sat with their parents and talked about life. Then I read to the kids in bed. I love feeling like a part of a family, if only distantly.

2 thoughts:

      
I went to my friend Julie's wedding Sat. Wow, my first friend to be married! And I caught the bouquet! It's never happened before. I was fairly excited and consider it a good omen. Who knows... haha

I never thought I'd actually hear someone say to me after I almost bumped into them, "No problem... you can bump into me any time". Um yikes man at Trader Joe's. I have a fear of being hit on or looked at by men... It makes the first thought problematic I suppose.

and then the rain came...

compass....ion

Love seems so inexplicable, yet we all think we know what that miracle is. Then there is love's sister, compassion. What is compassion? So often it is thought to be sympathy, pity, or some other cheap thing that is thought to resemble compassion.

Think of the etymology of this word alone. Take the ending, "passion," which means suffering or barely containable emotion. With the beginning "com" which means with, together, jointly. So literally this word means suffering with someone, not merely to help someone or do something for someone.

Sitting with someone in pain, mourning with those who mourn, walking with someone just to understand who they are.

The gravity of this epic love....

This sort of love changes everyone involved. One cannot be compassionate or show compassion without being inalterably changed. And the one who accepts is changed when they are touched by this love.

Words escape me when I think of this word. I see a face with eyes filled with tenderness intently looking at the beheld, fingers reaching through darkness, arms catching the fallen, a guide-the compass-leading us home.

This is how our Christ looks at us, even in the most despicable sin and darkest night of the soul.

Compassion necessitated my existence and is the reason I continue to exist. I believe this is true of all of God's beloved.

Brennan Manning describes that compassion is not something of milk, it is meat for mature believers. It takes a great deal of courage, a willingness to risk, and a great deal of imagination. Indiscriminate compassion is what we are called to. A rose cannot withhold its beauty nor can a tree withhold its shade from certain people, not even the man coming with an ax to chop it down.

"What makes the Kingdom come is heartfelt compassion. It is the way that the lordship of Jesus over your life takes. It is a way of tenderness that knows no frontiers, no labels, no penalizing..... You'll never be more like Christ, never, than when you're choked with compassion over the tenderness of others. Compassion is the axis of the Christian moral revolution, it is the sign by which you're going to be known as a follower of Jesus. My prayer for you is that you will be graced with the courage, the wisdom, the maturity, the willingness to risk, the imagination, and the compassion to set free the song that now sleeps in the wounded flesh of a brother or a sister" -Manning

l-o-v-e

the platonic debacle

4 years... no 4 and a half? my friend and confidante...

we were always doomed to this long goodbye. this twilight of friendship. i've been pulling away, taking you to shallow waters. soon there will be no place for you here. and this evasion, this feigned apathy and cool nature is my way of saying goodbye.

no harry and sally. never. as the phone calls and emails begin to dwindle. you will always be that friend who taught me. the one who walked with me all that time. and i'll always love you for that. i'll try to be graceful as i move away.

the days of late night coffee talks are ending. one day you will come over to my nest for a family dinner, we will reminisce about those good old days and make petty adult chitchat over dessert and coffee while the kids crawl around our feet.

memories of ice and snow

the big sister

ugh sometimes I wish I had an older brother to pass responsibilities off to. Somehow younger sisters seem like they listen to them better than older sisters.

For instance, there's some guy my sister fancies who is.... whatever. Anyway, I know that if we had an older brother telling her verbatim what I have to say she'd listen, but since it's me... Apparently I don't know anything. At least if I was a guy I could threaten him or something.

The whole thing makes my stomach churn.