I'm in class and I still find the novelty of using a computer stealthily in class very interesting.

Currently there's a mess of literacy materials on the table including the remnants of coffee and snacks. We're listening to a lecture about second language learners.

Enfin, je suis fatigué et j'ai mal aux pieds.

an interior monologue

Just some background... So I haven't been to the gym in a long time... Not quite sure when I last went. Anyway, I finally got a membership at 24 down here and at a gym I had never been to before. The following is some excerpts of my internal dialogue from my visit:

"Ok, I look pretty good. I'm ready to go!"

[Walking into the workout room] "Wow, there are a lot of people here.... Ok quick go get on a machine! Look like you know what you're doing here!.... Treadmill, a classic"

"Crap. I hate these machines that face the mirror. Where do I look? I don't want to stare at myself, oh excuse me, my form. But I don't want to be the girl looking at everyone else, nor do I want to watch whatever is on tv. Hmm the treadmill screen, now that's riveting!... Checking heart rate.... 170?! I'm only speedwalking at 3.5 mph! Ok that's why I'm here."

"Ok 15 minutes of cardio... now where is the weight room... Uh I'll just walk upstairs. Could there be more people? Sheesh!"

"Alright, weights. I'm good at weights... but where do I start?"

"Time for some free weights. Mm yeah not that sissy stuff!.... Ok where are the lighter ones?..... Oh excuse me huge buff men, I'm looking for those little weights over there, don't mind me... 17.5 lb, yeah that should be ok..."

"Ow ow ow.... ok maybe it's just a tad too heavy. 12 lbs. much better..."

"Hmmm my arms are shaking and my face looks pained. I look like a weakling. No one mind me as I go ahead and grab the 7.5 lb. weight. Ugh I feel like this:

"Hehe spongebob... that guy just looked at you funny--stop laughing to yourself!"

"Well that was a good workout, I'll just go over here and do some inclined crunches.... Alright, how do I get on this thing? Ok inconspicuously look at the lady next to you... Don't mind me if I wobble around on this thing trying to insert my legs and feet into random equipment. Well, I'm committed, can't walk away now. 5 crunches sounds great. I'm done!"

remembering

Remember life is just a memory
Remember close your eyes and you can see
Remember think of all that life can be
Remember

Dream, love is only in a dream, remember
Remember life is never as it seems. Dream

Long ago, far away
Life was clear, close your eyes


I like the way certain mundane things can speak to us... like movies.

Maybe it's because we usually watch movies to unwind, so our guard is down. Either way, when I watch a movie, a good movie, the blend of well-spoken dialogue, a meaningful plot, and music move around in my mind and spin a web.

This weekend, I watched 2 that made me think... they lit me up I suppose... They reminded me that there's much more to living than drudgery and routines. There were other voices like family, friends, church, and as always God. All I've learned and thought about this weekend.... if only I can remember...

Le Scaphandre et Le Papillon

So I randomly went to imdb.com today and to my delight found that one of the most fascinating books that I have ever read has been made into a film by the French film industry. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, written by the former French Vogue editor Jean-Dominique Bauby, is an account that he wrote after having a major stroke. The stroke changed his life forever, trapped inside his own body, he used the only part of his body that he could move voluntarily to tell his story...his left eye.

If you want to read something interesting, thought-provoking, and at times heart-wrenching, read this book! The book itself and the story behind it make it so memorable. It makes me think about the frailty of life and of those who are so often overlooked. So read the book then on November 30th find one of the selected theaters and watch the film. Would anyone like to accompany me? It's French and it's good, what more could you want?

p.s. I'm really glad Mac's safari system is updated. Hooray!

who am i fighting?

"So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched person I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!
"So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin." (Romans 7:21-25)

Lately I've been thinking about something. So often we talk about the battles we wage against injustice, hate, fear, evil, and the adversary that is in this world. However, we know that over all of these things God is sovereign. It is written that "the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world" (1 John 4:4).

I have come to the conclusion that our greatest adversary is ourselves... the sinful nature. It cannot be subjugated by an outside force, it has to surrender. Free will is powerful, so powerful that it can build some of the greatest walls between us and the Liberator. They are walls that he cannot just strike at, he needs to hear our cry before interceding.

The self is formidable. The sin that is our inheritance predestines us for the bitter struggle.

We're in the way. We're in the way.... I'm in the way.


"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons and daughters of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God." (Romans 8:18-21)

It's time to move.

beautiful beautiful

The past two weeks have not shifted in respect to how busy I feel, but the richness of life and the goodness of everything has. Sure there is a franticness, but there is also deep passion and learning. Oh learning.... I never realized how much I love it! And especially lately, I have learned so much in many different parts (e.g., academically, professionally, spiritually) of my life. Life is beautiful.

Currently I'm preparing for tomorrow's 6 hour class.... eesh. 2 of my classmates and I are having a group tutoring session, which should be fun. I'm baking brownies for the tutees. haha I'm such a ridiculous over-achiever. Friday I'm baking turkey cookies for a lesson simulation I'm doing on Sat. I think I'm funny, we're going to have a group of Indians and one of Pilgrims; the Indians will prepare a meal of corn (corn chex), wheat (wheat chex), and nuts (peanuts) and the Pilgrims will prepare a meal of berries (dried cranberries), fish (Swedish fish), and turkey (the cookies). Ok, maybe only I find it funny.

For now, I'm getting back to the 5 or so assignments due tomorrow.... as I recover from my intense group presentation on heterosexism from this evening.

best weekend ever

Seriously... it really is. I haven't felt so amazing and alive in a long time. Life is really good. And the best part is... the weekend's not over yet. The highlights:

-creating some of the best powerpoint slides ever with graphics I designed myself
-spending 2 nights at my Grandma's
-2 nights of apple cider and peppermint Joe Joe's
-thinking about the Kingdom of God...
-falling more in love
-good conversations
-feeling loved and safe
-great day at church
-hung out with one of my jr. highers for almost 4 hours talking about life stuff instead of surface things
-learning about myself
-hung out with friends at Gypsy
-good friends at church
-hearing from God
-being loved
-more good conversations
-wisdom given by friends
-revisiting the past by visiting my sis and cousin in the freshman dorms... good times
-getting hit on by bold freshman boys
-staying up late because tomorrow's a holiday!

support the strike....

p.s. I gave a stranger a ride today and in return I was invited to stay in Ecuador and get matched with a handsome, educated man. I think I got the better end of the deal.

ode to random holidays

Tomorrow there's no school.

Tonight is time to drink mulled apple cider and watch a silly movie.... She's the Man.... haha

After getting only an hour and a half of sleep last night because I was working on a project for 8 hours... mostly because I'm so OCD and it just haaaaad to be perfect. eesh. Where was I? Oh, last night, I feel like I can afford a night of frivolity.

They say that every hour of missed sleep is like having a beer.... ugh keep me off the roads.

dedicated to my friends and fellow scrabble lovers...

toothpastefordinner.com

cassé

Mon coeur... je suis desolée, mais je ne peux pas.

Je sais que tu me parles, mais maintenant je suis occupé....

Je ne veux pas entendre maitenant.

Ta voix est petite et il y a trop de bruit.

Les autres voix disent, "fait ça," "sois comme ci," "tais toi," "tu es..."


Ils parlent fort. Ils me font fatigué.

Je

suis

si

fatigué....

sauve moi....

Je vais tomber.... Je...vais....tomber.....

Dit moi, qu'est-ce que c'est cette vie? Qui est-ce que je deviens?

Tu me dit, "Ma petite, je t'aime. Tu es aimé."

Tu me parles de la beauté et de la vie... doucement.... doucement tu me parles

Je me couche et je peux t'entendre...

good news and more good news

First of all I completed the whole CSET this morning, all 3 sections. 4 1/2 hours later I was finished with the tedious process of answering a total of 143 multiple choice questions and 11 short response questions about lit./lang., history/social science, math, science, p.e., human development, and visual & performing arts. Well, I walked out confident. I guess we'll see just how confident I deserve to be at the end of the month.

Second, found out that I guy I nearly dated had issues from my friend who dated him last spring... good to know.

Finally, I realized I was crashing in on myself. Things were getting ugly. It came to a climax with my encounter with rotten bananas... In the words of Mike Erre, they were my "burning bush" for this week. Then I was reminded to live in fullness, beauty, discovery, and excitement.

My friend found me in Kéan in the middle of my studying and invited me to the dollar theater. And I was faced with an interesting choice... Responsibility or breathing. I chose to breathe.

5 of us saw The Nanny Diaries. It may sound trivial... who knew a chick flick could help me wake up and shake off this dust?

Never has a night at the movies been so significant.... more later

For now the CSET is tomorrow. If you think of me....